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Plus the takeaways from each
I consume a lot of media, as I imagine most people do who post and read on Medium. Not all of it sticks, because my brain simply can’t retain that much information. But over the years, there are three articles that have stuck with me. And at the end, I’ll mention a fourth bonus one!
The article was published in 2015 on the blog Wait But Why. I haven’t read much of this blog, so I have no idea how I stumbled across this gem of an article that visually lays out the human lifespan. It’s a somewhat jarring experience to stare at a bunch of icons on a page and realize that — if life goes your way — that’s all you have.
300 books.
60 Super Bowls.
9 presidential elections.
Yes, that’s good food for thought, but what stuck with me is the overarching argument of the article: what this means for our relationships.
“It turns out that when I graduated from high school, I had already used up 93% of my in-person parent time. I’m now enjoying the last 5% of that time. We’re in the tail end.”
The above quote is what hit home hardest for me. As someone who has a wonderful relationship with my parents, and was away at college when I first read this article, a giant knot formed in my stomach.
5% of my time left with them? I wanted more than that.
I couldn’t exactly leave college, and I was quite happy there, but it changed the way I approached my time with my family. I greeted our visits with gratitude and appreciation, knowing that I was lucky I still had them both in my life.
Since then, I’ve lived with my parents for brief stints (a few weeks, a month) but after a breakup and cross-country move, I’ve been with them since Thanksgiving. While I may not be in line with the rest of my peers, who are engaged and buying houses, I am grateful for this ‘bonus’ time with my parents, as I know one day that this will only exist in my memories.
The takeaway: Cherish the relationships you value — you don’t have all the time in the world.
The second article was published in 2014 on Medium and subsequently turned into a book. Elle Luna talks about the two paths in life: Should and Must.
Shoulds are those things other people want us to do.
Musts are the things we need to do to be our most authentic selves.
Shoulds are the easy choices, and Musts are the big, scary ones. But when we choose Should, we aren’t living for ourselves.
“Must is what happens when we stop conforming to other people’s ideals and start connecting to our own. Because when we choose Must, we are no longer looking for inspiration out there. Instead, we are listening to our calling from within, from some luminous, mysterious place.”
The article reminds me of this animated short called ‘Alike.’ Only when the father does what he must — takes on the role of the violinist — does his color return, and he is living in alignment with his core.
This article made me question who I am making decisions for — myself, or for others. I’ll acknowledge, this article is for those who are privileged, who don’t have to focus on simply surviving, and have the time, space, and resources to contemplate their being.
The takeaway: Overriding the need for Should, and pursuing our Musts, is a difficult but worthwhile pursuit.
Parents and elders are notorious for telling us the lessons they’ve learned, but I think we can acknowledge that the best way to learn is through our own trials and tribulations.
Still, there is value to be found in what others ahead of us on the track of life say. In knowing what is important down the road, and what isn’t as significant as we think it might be. Perspective is a gift, and the Harvard Business School Class of 1963 shared their wisdom with the world in a series called If I Knew Then.
Yes, this audience isn’t going to be the most diverse. Mostly male, white, middle or upper class (I’m speculating), but I enjoy reading about what other people wish they had done differently with their lives.
This series was a slow burn — there wasn’t one answer that changed my thinking. It was instead a few that were gentle reminders. I’ll list a few below:
Recognize that choosing your life’s partner is one of the two most important decisions you will ever make. Give your choice the attention it deserves. Think through what’s truly important to you. Choose someone you will enjoy working with to achieve your common goals. Of course, being in love is very important — but it is not enough.
The totality of one’s life is the sum of the many, many choices that one will face and make. Make your choices thoughtfully.
Take life day by day — well, maybe month by month. Don’t get hung up on rigid long-range plans. Something will always come up to interrupt them — illness, storms, the economy, etc. Go with the flow.
The takeaway: Capitalize on the knowledge of those who’ve come before you.
I first read about the one-minute rule in one of Gretchen Rubin’s books, but here’s an article from 2006 on her blog about it.
It’s as simple as doing any chore that takes a minute or less to do:
hang up those pants, put the book back on the shelf, clean out the garbage from your car.
It’s an easy technique to handle tiny tasks that turn into large, annoying tasks otherwise. Better to keep a room clean, one minute at a time, than waste a lovely afternoon doing an overhaul!
The takeaway: Do the quick tasks now, not later.
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