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“How will I respond if…”
Perhaps you have pre-crafted responses at the ready. Maybe you are just hoping everyone plays nice and doesn’t bring up anything “controversial.” Or you’ve spoken up before and everyone gets uncomfortable, and you’re always left with expressing your beliefs but not feeling received by others, or the opposite happens, a disagreement and someone leaves the holiday table upset.
If you don’t like to be told to “just be nice and let it slide…” and you believe speaking up and for your truth is muy importante — Accepting and embracing others and their opposing viewpoints is a practice to be actively engaged and committed to improving. To be clear, there are some topics, beliefs and values that are non-negotiable in my world, and I’m sure you can relate. Chances are there are people in your family, community that don’t hold the same values and viewpoints and you may find yourself sitting at a holiday table or another gathering with them this season.
Why is accepting the (opposing viewpoints) of others helpful to your case?
Effective communication is listening and then speaking from an honest, open, integrous, authentic place. We can’t do that if we are high on emotions and adrenaline, always the “right” one and ready to show and shame the other side into how wrong they are. This is not the way to creating peace, this is the path of division.
Here are some of my go to tips to get through those moments while still being true to yourself and not feeling like the grinch who ruined everything by standing up for what you believe in:
- Boundaries that serve. Setting boundaries for yourself and those around you serves all involved. Maybe you’re not in the mood, exhausted, stressed and know that being with certain someone’s will not support your mental health or emotional wellbeing and that it could even be harmful to you. It’s okay to walk away! It’s also acceptable to establish boundaries beforehand in what’s appropriate / not appropriate to discuss during time togehter. If someone is open to listening, learning and understanding more of your view (and vice versa) pick a dedicated time and place to have the uncomfortable conversations, when the right frame of mind and open hearts are willing to listen.
- Be more than just nice. Nice is just a shell to a deeper way of being — to live with a compassion heart, an understanding mind, and embodied acceptance. When we exhibit this amount of grace it cuts deeper, going beyond the surface level of just being nice. Purposeful tip: Practice unlearning the binary thinking (wrong/right, good/bad, “those people” vs “us”) and communicate from a neutral space. It will help others do the same.
- Share your story, not just the facts. In today’s world, everything can be questioned and somehow be deemed as “fake news.” When speaking your truth try sharing your or someone else’s story that offers the perspective from a lived experience. You might be surprised by the outcome.
- Embody discernment. Practice allowing yourself to fully feel any sensation rise in your body when you are uncomfrotable, perhaps in a moment where you know you are about to speak up and stand solid in your truth, set a boundary or share story. Alot of times this can be experienced as a growth edge; it’s uncomfortable, feels important, non-negotiable and unknown. Notice the sensation of what the growth zone brings. Discern what uncomfortable feels like vs what dangerous and harmful feels like. Pause and breathe deeply, allowing the sensations to be fully present before you slowly move forward in conversation or other aligned action. Remember, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.
- Return to Wholeness. You are already whole. So is the other side. We are all whole. What happens here on this earth: trauma, drama, hurt, pain, betrayal, learning of violence, racism and systemic suffering is part of everyone’s experience. Experienced differently depending on your own life experience, culture, color, geographic location and more — when we zoom out and see the opposing side as a wounded, fearful being just like we are or have been, there is space for compassion.There is room for you to forgive yourself for holding judgement. You can free yourself from holding onto the grudge. You can create peace from within. To be clear: I’m not saying we allow or embrace oppression, marginalization and violence; no, we aren’t giving it some kind of ‘compassionate free pass.’ Living in our wholeness is a way to guide ourselves with compassion, love and kindness as we navigate the polarity of this world, the beliefs, experience and people that make it up. It is possible for you to embody peace this season and beyond, by practicing deep connection to and compassion with yourself and when it is safe and appropriate, other’s in your family, community and network.
To sum it up: Set your boundaries, dig deep into your own compassion reserves for yourself first before offering to others, allow the feeling of all of the sensations your body communicates with you, use it as feedback (growth vs danger zone) and remember you are already whole.
Wishing you and us all much inner and outer peace this season and beyond.
With love,
Emily
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