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Don’t keep score, don’t hold back, and make sure you have a prosperity consciousness rather than a poverty consciousness.
Sure, you have to keep on top of your business records and financials. But that’s not what I mean when I say don’t keep score.
I’m talking about not worrying about how much you give and whether or not you’re working harder than somebody else. That goes for your time, energy, and information.
There is enough to go around, and you can arrive at a place of having enough. And the more you share, the bigger your return, so don’t hold back.
But make sure you’ve got your head on straight in terms of the role money and possessions and titles play in your life.
When I first started as a psychotherapist, I heard two pieces of advice over and over:
First, I was told not to work harder than my clients.
Second, they said don’t give anything away for free.
If I had listened to that advice, I don’t think I’d still be working — I’d have quit, because that approach would have sucked the life out of me and what I love — being of service.
I get that there is some truth here. Because if you’re a therapist, you can’t be confused about your role, i.e., if you don’t know where you end, and your client begins — if you don’t have healthy boundaries — there will be trouble. You’ll be in the way of their growth rather than supporting it.
At the same time, clients usually come to us because they don’t know how to move forward. They’re stuck in some way. Sometimes they have developed habits that hold them back from what they want or who they want to be. Sometimes they come to us because they aren’t sure what they want.
At those times, clients can show up with resistance, procrastination, and various behaviors that make them appear unwilling to do the work.
But that’s not how I see it.
When clients don’t do their homework or hang on my every golden idea, that’s simply information — I need to find another path or doorway.
When I shift away from blaming the client for not making progress, I’m encouraged and free to explore other interventions. Taking responsibility for failure away from the client and becoming responsible for being more creative gets me excited and even more engaged.
Sometimes, we will work harder than we expect to at the beginning of a relationship because it can take time to figure out the best way to help. That’s okay. That’s what keeps us learning and honing our skills, whether we’re a therapist or an auto mechanic.
Staying on top of new approaches and interventions is the life-blood of a healthy therapeutic relationship and any business that wants referrals.
There are no off-the-shelf packages that I have seen work with every client in every situation with the same degree of benefit every time.
We must work harder to get better and better at what we do.
So don’t keep score about who’s working harder. Instead, keep your attention on building relationships and getting better at what you do.
I understand that sometimes people find value in a high price tag.
I’ve learned that there is an hourly fee that feels reasonable and fair to me. And it’s not as much as some therapists charge. But it’s more than others. I’ve been doing this for a long time, and I’ve learned to listen to what feels right.
I have a sliding scale for folks who don’t have insurance. I use the same scale for folks who have a deductible and can’t afford to pay the full fee while meeting their deductible. Sometimes I do pro bono work for clients going through hard times.
Over the last thirty years, I’ve had only one client skate away without paying for a session. (And I think that was a mistake rather than an intentional skate.)
I also give away ideas and information to other therapists. I love sharing what I’ve learned. And I feel comfortable referring clients to therapists I trust who might have expertise in areas that I do not.
Besides the two pieces of advice that I chose to ignore, here’s one I decided to pay attention to:
We all know folks who keep their expertise and client lists close to the vest because they have a poverty consciousness — a belief that there isn’t enough to go around, and they will never be able to amass enough to relax and enjoy what they have.
In an article entitled Overcoming Poverty Consciousness on a coaching blog for hairdressers, the unnamed author offers three ways to overcome poverty consciousness:
- Identify what is true.
Poverty consciousness is a belief that you probably adopted in childhood and have unknowingly carried into adulthood.
The truth is that prosperity is not about how much money you have. It’s about living your life with gratitude for what you have and keeping your attention on what is right in your world rather than what’s wrong.
2. Learn to share.
The author suggests that the best way to share is to donate some of what you have, rather than holding it tightly for fear of losing it.
You don’t have to be Warren Buffett — you can start with 1% of your income and see how that feels.
3. Find your fulfillment.
Stop chasing money — chase what fulfills you.
At the beginning of my work life I read, Do What you Love, and the Money Will Follow by Barbara Sinetar. It has withstood the test of time. If you want to shift your consciousness from poverty to prosperity, I encourage you to check it out.
I’ve lived by ‘no holding back,’ with the surprising result (at least to me) that at the end of each day, I leave my practice energized rather than depleted or burned out.
Holding back and keeping score is more draining than giving it everything I’ve got.
Yes, I started out doing this to support myself and my son. Today I still appreciate being paid for my services. But I also do what I do because I can’t imagine doing anything more fulfilling.
Whatever your field, give them all you’ve got.
If someone tells you not to work harder than the people you’re serving, and keep a tight rein on your money or your expertise, you can smile, knowing that you have nothing to lose and everything to gain by giving your all.
Whether you’re an entrepreneur or working for someone else, living with a prosperity consciousness is not a magic bullet or woo woo ‘how to make a million without doing anything.’ It’s a way of looking at your life, and your purpose, that will free you to become the best of who you are.
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