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Musings of an emerging adult.
What do you do when your heart is torn between two passions?
Oftentimes, I find myself caught in a battle between two selves: the artist and the giver.
One of them seeks beauty in creative expression, is in love with ideas and longs for theirs to be appreciated. They are willing to stray from the norm if it means getting to work on their craft till it manifests an ideal.
The other appreciates others, empathizes with suffering, and longs to guide, to nurture, and to serve. They are willing to be the only light in the darkness if it means getting to make a difference to the lives of others.
These two selves have been within me since my childhood. At times, they work together, crafting pieces that communicate my inner thoughts while bringing inspiration to others at the same time. Other times, their goals clash.
One example is in choosing an education. Should I go into psychology and counselling? Or should I pursue a course in writing instead, to develop my creative abilities?
Should I have to put my mental health at risk and face my greatest fears every day, by working as a therapist in the mental health sector? It is an emotionally draining profession, one not for the faint of heart. Am I altruistic enough to live to serve?
Or should I be free to be myself, to express how I feel in various art forms, and to become renowned and celebrated for my talents? I would have to take the road less travelled by trusting my gut. Am I individualistic enough, bold enough, to be original and different?
In this generation, young people hardly stick to a single career their whole lives, often job-hopping and doing odd stints wherever they find one. Do I want to become one of them, wandering from job to job and never finding a true calling, merely doing what it takes to survive in this expensive city?
In my final year of my diploma, I soon have to make a decision for my future. It all boils down to the question of whether I am an artist or a giver, and whether it is practical and economically feasible to embody both selves in a single profession.
I may find out soon, or I may never find out. Some people live their entire lives not knowing what they want to do; I could very well be one of them.
I guess it’s important to remember that my identity is not defined by my profession. Who I am is in what I do when no one is watching, how I spend my free time when I’m not paid, and how I treat others in my daily life. We are not our successes, our achievements or our careers. We are defined by our character.
I don’t need to be recognized to be an artist. I don’t need to be trained to be a giver. We can be who we want to be, today.
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