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Now, the first thing to realize when it comes to attraction and also having magnetic energy, is that the energy you feel on the inside is being projected out and other people are feeling that.
So when it comes to attractiveness and people perceiving you as attractive and even feeling confidence this has to do with understanding that how you feel about you is what other people feel.
And at the same time this is a game of really reducing the resistance inside the body to accept yourself, to feel at your best, because in a way ironed out the things that maybe you thought made your flaws. So for this I wanna shar kind of my own way through this process as well of confidence and the feeling of having magnetic energy.
Because I think it’ll help kind of like set the tone for maybe a process you may be going through. Now the first thing for this trait that I wanna share is one that completely transformed my life.
And that was understanding the power of vulnerability.
Vulnerability is the ability to show and to share the aspect of yourself that normally you may try to close down. Now growing up I think I had a lot of shame. A shame is the belief or a feeling that says I’m not enough.There’s something wrong with me. And what happens is if we have shame, some of us may have shame that came from childhood of like people pleasing or nice guy syndrome.
What those really are?, those are ways that we try to hide our own shame. There’s a belief that says “ I’m broken or something wrong with me”. The idea is if I can get everyone else to like me and everyone else to approve of me, then I’ll feel like I’m good enough.
And there’s actually like more as well.
There’s like a desire to find safety in other people. And for a long time I would feel everyone else’s emotions. It’d be very challenging for me to say no to other people.
Boundaries are very hard to set. And a lot of that was due to not wanting other people to feel tension. Other people to fee like resistance about me, because I was so in tune with everybody else that if I didn’t have someone else’s approval, I didn’t feel like I was approved or I didn’t feel like I had that validation.
And the secret to this and Why this changed everything, was when I started to show the real me and I started to get vulnerable with other people, there was a whole different level of attraction that came in.
For a long time I felt blocked when it came to dating. And one of the reasons being is cause I felt like I had to be somebody else other than who I really was. Once I started to really be myself and give myself permission to express myself in a very vulnerable way, it changed everything.
Even vulnerability think about it, with being a nice guy or of a people pleaser. If we are doing that,we’re trying to hide the shame and we’re avoiding rejection.
We’re avoiding someone else to disapprove of us.
And I live so much of my life trying to get other people to feel a certain way about me, to think a certain way about me that the vulnerability was when I finally started to show who I really was knowing that I could get rejected and what that meant also for the nice guy people pleaser thing, was that I actually when I would go on dates, I would actually express how I felt and what my true like desires were.
Instead of just being like that friend zone energy, because that felt safe.
So vulnerability is the ability to express the real you. It’s the ability to go up to somebody that you like and ask them out.
Vulnerability is the ability to set boundaries with somebody, knowing that they may not approve or may not like that you’d set boundaries with them. Is the ability to say no.
Vulnerability is the courage and the acceptance you have about yourself, knowing that the more vulnerable you are, the more you show your heart. Vulnerable literally means wound and ability is the ability.
So it’s the ability to go into your wound and to show your true self.
The aspects of yourself that a lot of times you feel will get rejected by other people. And it’s interesting out of everything I share on Medium, the more vulnerable I am with people, the more vulnerable I am with my Medium articles, it’s like it resonates with people at a different level.
Even though it’s not the most attractive thing to talk about.
Me talking about how I used to chase validation and approval and be a nice guy people pleaser and how I’d overcome that. It’s not the most attractive cool thing that people could think about me, but it’s real. And I know that by sharing those things, it’s like people really resonate with it at a deeper level because it is real.
So vulnerability is one of the things that you might not think, is the most attractive thing you could do but it will help you with confidence and being attractive at the same time.
And it’s also the most honest way you can be. It’s honest.
If it’s like somebody says something, imagine if somebody says
something it’s not funny and you laugh at you’re like, haha, even though it’s not funny.
How would you feel about it?
You probably feel somewhat fake. It feels a little icky and dirty but when you’re really being the real you, it just feels like alignment. It feels like safe. It feels comfortable to be that aspect of yourself.
Now the next trait that’ll make you confident and attractive is a trait that I began to apply in my life that really helped this process as well.
It has to do with understanding, having fun and being self amusing. Now what happens is a lot of times when we’re trying to be at, you can also try to be attractive. The more attractive you try to be, the less attractive you will be.
You have to just be it for an end of itself. And I’ll tell you what, when you’re having fun, you are in the end, you are living in the end. When you are trying to do something to get somewhere else, it’s a means to an end. If I’m trying, if I’m going like to, if I’m going out with somebody, like think about it like this. It’s like if you go out with somebody and you’re hoping they call you back and you’re hoping everything goes well, there’s an energy to that.
That feels needy also because the needy is the wanting of something from somebody else.
But if you go out and you’re just intentions to have fun, to enjoy the moment, that’s an end of itself. It’s being present. If we’re in the moment and we’re wanting something from the future,
we’re not really present.
And I’ll tell you what?
Attractive, being attractive is about being present. Be present to the moment and have fun.
Fun is loose, is light energy. And when you’re in that light energy, it really smooths things out.
And it just allows other, remember how you feel is how other people feel. So if you’re having
fun, they’re having fun. Self-amusement is where
you’re doing things that you actually think are funny.
Even if other people don’t really think is that funny but at least you’ll feel that way. If you ever had it to where you’re just laughing about something and somebody else might not understanding what you’re laughing about, but they’re laughing too
cause you’re laughing.
cause energy’s contagious.
So realize that how you feel is being projected out. And if you do things, it’s realizing how
often as well we project ourselves to the past or the future by being on a date with somebody.
And you’re thinking about the past or you’re thinking about what might happen in the future
instead of just being present to the moment and having fun.
So that will change everything as if you loosen up the seriousness of everything, think about how serious people make dating too.
It’s like they go out and they’re like, “Okay, this is the one chance at love. I hope everything goes well and it’s better be the soul mate.”
This, that.
Just loosen it up and just have fun. It’d be way easier for you to be in that magnetic energy.
Now another thing I’ll share another trait of being confident and attractive is when I was shedding the nice guy personality,
There was something that happened where that really reminded me of value and the power of tension. Now tension is the courage to go into being able to walk away.
Now for myself I had this situation where I was dating somebody that would show up late or I could tell just really didn’t value my time. And I could tell that in a way maybe I was putting them on a pedestal.
Maybe I was bending around a lot like moving my schedule around a lot. And from doing that, it was like an energy of, I could tell that that was unattractive. Now one thing that I did is like after the second or third time of this person showing up late, I told this person I literally, just I completely cut it off.
And I said,
“We’re not hanging out anymore because you don’t value my time.” And I remember this specific moment when I saw this person like a week later at the gym actually.
And I remember that in that moment this person felt like, I could tell there was a lot of tension and I was literally like, “Listen, I wish you the best but like you don’t value my time
and I don’t have time for that. And I could tell you’re not invested. So it’s totally fine.”
But like I actually didn’t say it wasn’t fine. I think that was my old pattern is i always say,
oh, it’s okay. It’s okay. It’s okay.
And what I did is I actually didn’t say that. I was like, why see you just don’t value my time.
So I’m gonna move on. And it was this awkward moment. But I remember after that, it was like I could tell that everything shifted in that moment to where she understood my own perspective.
But also I could tell that there was way more attraction there from that point going forward.
And then it was like I’ll show up on time. I’ll do this, I’ll do that. And the reason I share
that is because being and knowing your own value and not bending your own frame for other people,
is very attractive.
So one thing to understand about this process, is the more that you’re able to sit in tension also shows that there’s like a level of courage there.
There’s something that you stand for. So for me that was a game changer. I was learning that and learning how to be in my own frame because for a long time I would move my frame for everyone else’s.
Now the fourth trait that will help make you attractive and confident is to be on your purpose.
To be on your purpose because when you’re leading in your life and you have a vision for something you’re creating and you don’t also put being attractive or being perceived by other.
people in a certain way or wanting people’s validation approval, when you first off live by a certain value that is more important than that, it makes you way more attractive. But also you’re in alignment.
You’re passionate about who you are. When I started doing what I love of writing, I was way more in a very different energy than I was when I wasn’t writing an articles.
When I did that I was in a very different energy because it was a more representative of the way that I choose to be. But I’ll tell you when you’re in that energy, you have an attractive energy that’s hard to explain.
So the key is to start finding out what your passion is, not even purpose but passion.
Are you following your passion?
Because the more you follow your passion, the more you’re in a higher excitement state, the more attractive you are.
So one of the things i highly recommend, is finding out and following that passion, whatever that is. Setting the intention to find out what that is and then live with that. Because when you are aware of the meaning you’re given to your life, that’s what purpose is.
Purpose is the meaning you’re choosing to give life.
And the meaning you’re choosing to follow. It’s like a larger vision than yourself.
Is very attractive. Also adding value that’s another thing.
Adding value.
When you’re doing your purpose you’re adding value out into the world. And that communicates value is a form of attraction.
When you’re having fun, you’re adding value. Doesn’t mean that you need to be a service person. It’s like helping everyoneand coaching people but it’s like knowing your own value,
knowing your own sense of, just like who you are. That emanates out into the world and has a powerful effect.
Now the next one is also a game changer and it has to do with understanding that when I was first off started to date as of like a year and a half ago, when I started like dating again and putting myself out there,
I realized that I had this thing where I was like subconsciousl judging other people and just talking myself out of things where like, oh, it won’t work because of this. It won’t work because of this.
There was like these subconscious judgements I was making about other people. And I realized that one of my biggest blocks was that judgment was going out and being reflected back. So maybe I was attracting people that were in that way.
But when I started t open my heart and accept and just focus on having fun that changed everything. Was focusing on trying to open my heart and not judging other people. Because a lot of time if we have a long list of things that people have to obtain to in order for it to work, we create a lot of resistance.
And then we also attract people that have a long list as well. So the key is to let go of the list
and focus on the qualities. The open-heartedness, the emotional availability.
These things all change everythin the more we focus on it. And a lot of this also
has to do with confidence. You have to have the confidence to open up your heart.
Confidence means to trust. And the challenge is that many of us may have had childhood trauma or childhood pain where we didn’t trust anymore.
We didn’t trust our family members. Maybe we didn’t trust ourselves cause we didn’t believe in ourselves. And that creates a blockage energy around us where we doubt ourselves. We have a lot of fear. Now the key is committing and understanding our own sense of value, our own sense of self-worth, feeling safe in our own frame.
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