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This is another story to help you see the magic of “friendship” differently
I was like many people, when I was young I thought it would be best for me to be surrounded by friends who understand me. Even if I had no love interest, there was a group of people supporting me no matter what. That sounds great, at least to people who have no issue risking.
I stopped doing the friendship thing a year ago. One day, I found myself left out by my best friends. It didn’t happen at the same time. The first was gone when I was texting her as always. I thought maybe she wasn’t lying, maybe… just maybe she’s dealing with problems, having phone issues, etc. And she just disappeared out of a sudden without any warning. That really hurt me. Until this day, I have no idea Why she had been there for me when I was dealing with many problems including suicidal behavior, split personality disorder and depression. The last time we met, I pretended she wasn’t there and she came to talk to me and gave me a round of excuses for why she was missing (again).
It didn’t take long for others to do similar things to me. I heard from an ex-best friend a guy friend of mine wasn’t being serious with me. He was just treating me like some trash bin for his emotional problems. Months later, the ex-best friend who told me that news disappeared too. What a coincidence!
Similar things had been happening to me for the past 20+ years. I always thought if I treated someone with kindness and sincerity, I would be treated well in return. Reality slapped me as harshly as she could and pushed me to the bottom of the bottoms (ouchhh). Damn… I wished the universe warned me a long time ago.
Should I blame anyone or anything?
No, it happened to me and it’s my responsibility to deal with my shits. And if you’re facing problems, you have to rethink your relationship with someone, no matter if you guys have been together as friends or lovers for years or not. Most people don’t stay in your life forever.
I stopped the blaming game and faced the truth. I always knew something was weird but I didn’t listen to my gut feelings. I was afraid of the accuracy of my heightened-intuition. I was terrified by the voice of the universe. I chose to ignore the signs I saw everywhere. It was always there, the blaming game, the missing game and the fake-love game.
Back in 2021, I grew tired of all the dramas in my life and I started to say “no” to everything and everyone that didn’t resonate with me. I learned to put myself before others and even though there were times when fools called me “selfish”, “wicked” and other names, I just turned my head and go. I stopped caring about people. If someone deserves to stay in your world, they will do the right things to earn your respect, time and energy. It’s never forced. A love that’s forced never stays. Soon the doors will open for the unwanted love to leave and if you’re patient, new doors will open for better people to walk into your life.
Some people think my life is boring because all I do is write, work, learn, improve, grow, develop, etc. You never hear me having a lot of fun when I’m outside with someone. I focus on things that make me better and happier. I stopped paying attention to others and learned to look into my fantastic world, understand and fulfill my wants and needs. I listen to myself every day.
I’m 29, turning into 30 in December, have no friends, started my freelance copywriting career a month ago, alone but not lonely. Back in the time when I appreciated friendships more than nearly everything, I wasn’t happy. I always felt like I had to change something so people around me would feel better and be more comfortable. There were clothes that I didn’t wear often because someone said something. There were secrets I told others and later heard the secrets from some people I didn’t know. Now I don’t have to worry if someone knows anything that could hurt me. I used to care about what others think and feel about me and now I can say “I’m proud of who I am”.
There were times when I felt bad because I wanted someone to hear my stories and understand me, but I held myself back from troubles. I knew what would happen if I tried to look for support from others. When my friends left me, I was hurt and always emotional but I did my best to hide my feelings. Now I never have to be concerned about these little things.
I’m stronger, smarter, wiser and happier. My life is fulfilled. I know what’s important to me. The process wasn’t easy at all but if you’re urging for a solution, take mine. It takes a lot of time, effort and patience to get you where you want to be, but if you make it through you’ll find gold in yourself. Someday, you’ll find someone who listens to you and loves you unconditionally, as a friend or lover.
This is probably one of the most emotional posts I’ve ever written.
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