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The Toy That Fell Out😅
I know the name is odd.
It reminds me that the broken pieces in my story serve a purpose.
I promise it’s a wholesome story!
Many years ago, whilst shopping, I met a guy. We hit it off at the baked beans aisle, and by the time we reached the refrigerated foods, we realised we had some things in common.
And… we both shop for the refrigerated items last!
Perfect, right?
Like any two strangers interested in continuing the conversation, we prepared to exchange numbers at the check-out. I pulled out the phone, and the arm of a Transformer action figure fell out.
A blue and red plastic arm.
Optimus Prime’s remaining limb.
An escapee from Mom’s-bag-of-all-things-toddler!
I picked it up reflexively. Before I could share the humour of it, from the toy aisle behind this guy, my son ran out with Hot Wheels, “Mom! Mom! Can I please get these?”
A 4-second interaction.
When I looked up, the back of this guy’s head was at the next cashier’s till. Stealthily running before we checked out!
Why does that matter?
The story of this newsletter contains broken pieces. Things I tried to explain away or hide.
In 2019/2020 — this newsletter was a blog. I even published a single edition of a digital zine.
When God transitioned me from employment to independent writer, I struggled. Externally, I made the right moves, but internally, I was still in medical doctor mode. I struggled to believe I was a writer. It showed up as dabbling in writing and crippling perfectionism, and the blog suffered. My family suffered.
And when I couldn’t continue any longer, I felt like a failure. Collecting yet another thing I should hide and feeling shameful about it. But God’s grace took what I felt was another broken piece in my story and used it as the starting point of something better.
I now also understand that growth is a series of transitions. Endings and beginnings. Some are more abrupt than others. And when you learn to embrace the ends, you see the beginnings.
Any change from careers to children leaving home or economic change is about that. You recognise and choose what can move forward with you. What to start and what to end.
When you expose your broken pieces, you can see who can come with you and who shouldn’t. It hurts sometimes, but it is necessary.
Why should you care about that?
I share this story because God called me to build a life and new career with Him. I thought I had no ability — but He showed me I did.
But for me to see it, I had to declutter my life. Expose things and allow some people to walk away. A process you may be familiar with.
But who am I?
I’m Nobulumko Xhantini.
I love Jesus, and yes, I hear the Holy Spirit. Without Him, I cannot serve.
I’m a Solo mama/ young empty-nester to an amazing young man.
I was a medical doctor who wanted to be a work-from-anywhere mom but didn’t believe she could. But this season of my life, I write, speak and encourage people to grow towards their greatest potential.
Favourite food: pizza and sushi, at the same time but if I had to choose, pizza would win.
I’ve exposed long-forgotten courage and gifts along this journey. I know there are many who haven’t yet. Who face daily decision fatigue and identity insecurities.
If you allow me, I will support you on this journey.
We’ll laugh together.
Cry together.
We’ll learn from each other.
And I hope it will challenge us to grow and do the work together.
Until next time.
Love,
Nobulumko
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