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When you first started dating, do you remember when you loved listening to your husband’s ideas, perspectives, and everything he knew?
But now that you’re married, you’ve noticed that you don’t have much airtime when you’re both talking.
When you’re about to speak, your husband talks over you.
Ugh! You didn’t have a chance to say what you wanted to say, again!
You wonder, “Is my husband even aware of how often he interrupts me as I’m about to speak up?”
Unfortunately, this dynamic ensues.
And you can’t take it anymore.
You point out to him that he doesn’t give you space to talk and when you begin to utter a word, he interrupts you.
As kindly as you can, you ask him, “Can you please give me time to talk and stop interrupting me?”
As time goes on, you find yourself repeatedly and kindly asking him to be aware of how he continues not to let you speak.
So, when it fucking happens, again, you’re so angry, you react and yell,
“Stop interrupting me! I was just about to say something!
“I don’t understand?!? I’ve asked you to stop talking over me and interrupting me!
“You’re not listening to me! Are you even interested in what I have to say?!?
“It seems like what you’re saying is more important than what I have to say!
“Don’t you realize what you’re doing?!?”
Now he’s hurt, defended, and mad at you for being angry at him.
But, because he’s mad at you, you get angrier with him, and now you’re fighting.
What a disaster!
You’re so fucking angry and confused because you did your part by kindly asking him several times not to talk over you.
How many times do you have to ask him?
Why doesn’t he understand this?
You love him and want to find a way to work this out, but you’re so mad you don’t know what to do.
You’re angry, perplexed, stunned, and at a loss because you thought asking him to be aware of how much he’s talking was the answer.
On top of all this arguing, you feel terrible for hurting his feelings.
So, you suppress your anger, work harder to be even more patient, and wonder when it will happen again…
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Oy vey.
Interrupting and talking over each other are common problems for my clients in their marriages.
I had a client who was so frustrated and angry because her husband wouldn’t change his behavior after she asked him to stop talking over her.
She tried having many conversations to understand what was going on for him.
Unfortunately, she was spending so much time concerned about him changing that she lost sight of herself in the process.
While she wanted him to stop talking over her, something more profound happened for her.
But she didn’t know what it was because her anger and rage were covering up a deep wound that left her without solutions.
In our work together, she realized that her resentment grew every time he continued to talk over her.
And as her resentment grew, her anger grew which turned into a seething rage.
After using The Anger Algorithm to release the pent-up rage she was carrying, she finally understood why she was so mad.
Working through the algorithm uncovered what was under the rage she felt.
She wanted her husband to really listen to her.
When her husband talked over her, she didn’t feel heard.
And she especially didn’t feel heard when her husband would continue to talk over her after asking him to stop many times.
It turned out that when she didn’t feel heard, she felt ignored.
Feeling ignored rattled her core.
She knew this old wound was getting in the way of her communication and connection, not only to her beloved but to herself.
In our work together, we traced back to the origins of when she felt ignored in her life.
And she wanted to heal this part in her that felt ignored.
After healing this part, she understood what she needed in her marriage and why.
Using the algorithm helped her become aware that she needed attention, care, and mutual recognition to deepen her trust and connection to herself and in her marriage.
She also learned to reframe what she wanted to say to her husband.
The conversation was no longer about him being the problem and what he was doing to her.
Instead, she could finally tell him what she needed and why from a steady, grounded, empowered place.
Her focus shifted from him being the problem to how they could work together instead of against each other.
If you’re tired of ragefully reacting when your husband talks over you, watch how The Anger Algorithm can help you release the rage you’re carrying and relieve the pain you’re feeling.
If you want to end the painful fight that ensues in your marriage, watch how The Anger Algorithm can help you start creating the connection you desire in your marriage.
To Your Peace, Freedom & Healing!
Love,
Vanessa
Anger & Communication Coach, San Francisco, CA
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