Precision Self-Care: How to recharge when treating yourself isn’t enoughPrecision Self-Care: How to recharge when treating yourself isn’t enough

Precision Self-Care: How to recharge when treating yourself isn’t enough

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When bubble baths, yoga, and shopping sprees aren’t helping with your burnout, try recharging with a bit more precision.

Michelle Krasny

Batteries in a pile

Last week I was talking with a client who was going through a difficult personal and professional transition. I asked her what she was doing for self-care and she said, “oh I’m doing a lot of yoga and I’ve been eating really well.”

Don’t get me wrong, those are both lovely things that will probably help her cope with some of her overwhelm, but given that her world is basically falling apart, it occurred to me that a different perspective on self-care might help her take more effective and precise care of herself during a time when she has very little extra energy to give.

I like to think of our energy as a series of batteries. You have one battery for social interaction, one for stepping out of your comfort zone, one for your sense of self-worth, and on and on. Everyone has a unique set of batteries, based on the value systems you were raised in, the baggage you carry, and the stuff that intrinsically motivates you (and probably a dozen other factors). Some activities replenish your batteries, others drain them. Exactly which battery has been depleted depends on a lot, including the situation, the greater context, and the individual involved. The self-care you use to recharge that battery should be just as individual and precise.

Let’s say you just shared an idea that got shot down by your boss, in front of your colleagues. The battery which for you represents your sense that you are good at your job might have taken a major hit. Or maybe, it’s the one that represents your sense that you deserve to have your voice heard. You can see how eating broccoli (or ice cream) for dinner isn’t going to do much for those batteries. It’s the equivalent of pouring more water into the bucket rather than plugging the hole.

When I’m working with a client in a situation like this, and they tell me, for example, that they’re really struggling with feeling stupid since being shut down, I’d ask them when they feel smart. What situations or circumstances make you feel like you know exactly what’s going on? We’ll brainstorm until they have a list. I feel smart when I play wordle, when I read to my nephew, when I talk to my friend Susan and when I collaborate with the design team. Once they’ve pinpointed the activities that precisely recharge that battery, we’ll go through the practice of figuring out how to get more of that into their lives, and in the moments when they need it most. This particular client might plan regular calls to read to his nephew and talk to Susan, and schedule meetings where he presents to that difficult boss immediately after collaborations with the design team. He might use wordle as a pick me up throughout the day when he notices that his confidence in his intelligence is flagging.

I use this tool in my life too. Recently I was doing my annual New Year’s check-in activity. I found myself getting very angry with it. The activity kept prompting me to list what had happened in 2021 and I wanted to yell “You know what happened in 2021? NOTHING. Nothing Happened!”

This was a pretty big emotion for an activity that normally makes me feel a little nostalgic, proud, and sometimes sad… and a big or unexpected emotion is a great indicator that it’s time to check in with your batteries, so I did. Which battery was depleted? The battery that, when full, I feel alive. I feel like every day is different and I’m growing and accomplishing things. My life was fine, great even, but in 2021 but every day felt the same. So I thought about the kinds of activities that, in the past, have given me a sense of accomplishment, growth and made the days seem different, and I decided to train for a half-marathon in 2022. And I can tell you, even as I struggle to run in -12 degree weather or schlep my running gear for a weekend away, I’m already feeling more energy and purposefulness — and I haven’t yelled at any paper lately either.

Below I’ve listed a few prompts to get you started, next time you notice you’re feeling burnt out, depleted, or just having unusually large emotional reactions. You might go through this practice multiple times, gaining an idea of what your unique battery set looks like. When answering them take your time, maybe journal through your answers, or talk it through for a trusted friend.

  • How are you feeling? (If you’re unsure how to put it into words, google lists of emotions until you find 2–3 that feel right)
  • When did you first notice you were feeling this way? Was there any particular circumstance that contributed to this?
  • Look at your metaphorical batteries, which one feels depleted?
  • If that battery was full, how would you feel?
  • What kinds of activities or circumstances make you feel like that battery is full? Brainstorm as many as you can, there are no wrong answers.
  • Looking at your list of ideas, what could you incorporate more into your life? How often would you like to incorporate them into your life?

Good luck, and happy recharging!

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