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For the longest time, I have felt very conflicted. I have wanted to be a singer ever since I came out of my mother’s womb and the past 5 years have seen me attempt (and kind of succeed) at doing just that. Everyone tells me how talented I am, how I have so much potential, and my Spotify numbers certainly agree. I know and am often told that other singers would kill to be in the position that I am in.
What most people don’t know is that I have recently signed myself up for therapy because instead of feeling accomplished and proud, I feel stuck and in a constant state of anxiety. Instead of feeling like I am on the right path, I am faced with the impending doom that I am ruining my life, sacrificing my future financial stability, and digging a deep hole that I will not be able to escape.
Every two months I break down, and my sweet boyfriend kindly puts me back together, over and over again. More often than not, I feel like I am fighting against myself. I have had this dream for so long but as the years go by, I wonder if I have outgrown this dream. On the other hand, the devil’s advocate inside of me loves throwing me off by suggesting opposing views such as — are these negative thoughts just a result of low self-esteem and fear of success or the famously known impostor syndrome? Is my dismissal of it simply a defense mechanism?
How do I deal with this internal conflict? I turn to personality tests in hopes that they will give me the answer to my most burning question — What should I really be doing with my life?
Thanks to Medium, I recently discovered a brand new one called ‘Sparketype Assessment’ that has given me a brand new perspective. Through doing this assessment and reading the accompanying book ‘Sparked’ by Jonathan Fields, you’ll be able to find out your Primary Sparketype, Shadow Sparketype, and Anti-Sparketype.
Your Primary Sparketype is your work DNA, the type of work that energizes you and makes you feel the most fulfilled. It’s the thing you are pulled to do for no other reason than it makes you feel alive. It nourishes and fills you with purpose and the feeling that you are doing what you were put on earth to do. It’s the kind of work that you easily slip into the state of ‘flow’ with. This can show up in your work, hobbies, passions, etc… Whether or not you do this work in your job, you should do include it in your lifestyle somehow as this is what will ‘spark’ you up and fill you with joy.
Your Shadow Sparketype can often seem like a close second to your primary Sparketype. You may really enjoy this type of work and even develop a high level of skill in this area. However, when you look closely, the shadow is usually at the service of the primary Sparketype, and once your primary Sparketype has been fulfilled you may find the shadow Sparketype almost always takes a backseat.
Your Anti-Sparketype drains you out the most. It requires the most effort and leaves you with a feeling of emptiness rather than liveliness.
It turns out that my Sparketypes are as followed:
Primary: Maven (I live to learn)
Secondary: Maker (I make ideas manifest)
Anti: Performer (I turn moments into magic)
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