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“Somebody asked me: “What do you do? How do you write, create?” You don’t, I told them. You don’t try. That’s very important: not to try, either for Cadillacs, creation or immortality. You wait, and if nothing happens, you wait some more. It’s like a bug high on the wall. You wait for it to come to you. When it gets close enough you reach out, slap out and kill it. Or if you like its looks, you make a pet out of it.”
– Charles Bukowski
“Don’t try.” A quote etched on American author Charles Bukowski’s gravestone that has always intrigued me, but that I never fully understood.
Until today.
I will admit. I initially judged these words. I saw them as the choice to live life in a passive manner. Giving your power away as a creative while you wait for inspiration to strike. Choosing to live life in the back seat of your own car instead of where you belong — in the driver’s seat.
I saw it as giving up. Letting fate drag you away. If you don’t try, how can you ever accomplish anything? How can you live a purposeful life?
But now, I see it for all that it is. A simple truth that astounds and moves my achievement-trained, external-seeking mind:
You don’t need to do. You just need to be.
It’s Tuesday, April 19th, 2022.
I’m cozied up on my bed with my goose-down comforter and my morning cup of coffee. It rained last night and the redwood trees outside my bedroom walls are giving off that fresh, woodsy scent we all know and love. At least I hope you do.
I’m mostly present in the feel-good moment, but I’m still searching.
For the next nugget of truth I can share with you on here. For the answer. For my greater purpose on this planet. Waiting on the arrival of something that I soon realized is already on its way here.
I pull out my phone and stumble on an Instagram live between Phil Good and Lorie Ladd delightfully titled, The Phil Good and Lorie Ladd Morning Show. I’ve watched their content for a little over a year now and find it uplifting, informative, and healing.
I sip my coffee as a few more simple truths sink into my bones. Phil shares that his mantra for this year is let it happen.
My ears began ringing with the sentiment of Charles Bukowski. Don’t try.
I let this sink in and I keep watching.
A bit later, an individual then asks an interesting question in the live chat,
“So does that mean I should let abuse in my relationship happen to me?”
I realized this individual was hearing the very thing I used to. That surrendering to life was passivity. That letting things happen would mean having no say over them. Succumbing to fate and weakness. Not having the balls to get out there and seize the day.
They replied something along the lines of, “Absolutely not. If your internal alarm bells are going off that’s your body’s signal of alerting you that something’s off. You need to listen to that.”
In fact, I would argue that the more you let that feeling happen and surrender to its uncomfortable nature, the more you allow yourself to see the truth. The veil of illusion becomes thinner and thinner and you have no choice but to move.
Let that icky feeling happen and let it move you. Then, you can no longer tolerate the abuse. As Dominique de Menil says, “We lose dignity if we tolerate the intolerable.”
Now your movement is coming from power, not fear.
You don’t need to move. Let yourself be moved.
You don’t need to change. Let yourself be changed.
You don’t need to transform. Let yourself be transformed.
I close out the Instagram live and put my hand over my heart.
I don’t need to move. I just need to allow the inner movement that’s already happening within me to take place. Fully and with patience. And the by-product of this inner movement will be outer movement.
And that’s exactly Why I’m writing this now. This perspective shift really does change everything for me.
I no longer need to search for anything outside of myself in life. And when I get quiet enough, I will hear and see my bug high on the wall and allow it come to me.
Allow it to move me.
Allow it to change me.
Allow it to transform me.
Salvation is not some faraway place you reach after years of hard work and dedication. You don’t even have to lift a finger.
“Salvation [is] an inward act of personal transformation.” — Meggan Watterson, Mary Magdalene Revealed
All we need to do is lean in to life. You don’t need to go out and take the bull by the horns. You don’t need to live life as if it’s something that’s outside of you waiting to be conquered. A destination you’re wishing you’ll reach or an award you’re hoping you’ll achieve. A new version of yourself you’d rather be.
You don’t need to be “better.” There’s absolutely nothing wrong with where you are or who you are now.
By letting life happen, you will learn more than you can imagine. About yourself, about others, about the world at large. And simply by knowing better, you will do better. You have no choice.
So please, let life happen. Surrender to it all. Breathe it in.
Every emotion, every relationship, every situation, every conversation. Be the observer and the active participant all at once.
And when it’s time, you will move, you will change, and you will transform. But not because you tried to do so.
Life is a school and each moment a class and if you listen, really listen to what it has to say, you’ll continue to pass with flying colors. Every single day.
You’ll move, change, and transform because you’ve allowed the curriculum of life to show you the way rather than trying to get ahead of it. Or assuming you know how to teach yourself or anyone else the lesson best.
Don’t try.
Let it happen.
And lean in to the happening.
Lean in so far that your entire being quivers with knowing. Go inside and conquer the world.
★RW
© All Within Words
Phil Good (https://www.philgoodlife.com/)
IG: https://www.instagram.com/philgoodlife/
Lorie Ladd (http://lorieladd.com/)
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